Learning to grieve: What kind of year has it been

Wednesday Letter #48

An incomplete list of what grief looks like one year on. You can read my previous installments about learning to grieve here, here, here, and here

  • Time is strange. Receiving the phone call telling me that dad died feels like it was only yesterday and as if it were a lifetime ago. I suspect it will always feel like an odd combination of the two. 

  • The ritual of the funeral, memorial service or farewell ceremony will mean more to you than you expect. Dad’s ceremony was a civil one carried out in the funeral home itself and it was incredibly moving to be able to remember him this way. With everything that is going on Covid-19 wise right now, my heart breaks for everyone who is facing a funeral under lockdown and physical distancing conditions. To not be able to have friends and family attend the service makes an already difficult time all the more complicated.

  • You will have no memory of writing or delivering the eulogy. People will tell you that you did well, but you won’t know for sure.

  • When people tell you that grief will mess with your ability to carry out the simplest of tasks, believe them. The best way I can describe it is that your mind will feel hazy.

  • Moving on from grief does not mean “getting over” the person who died. You learn to live alongside the loss, in whatever way works for you.

Enjoy this newsletter? Forward it to a friend and tell them to subscribe here. Or share it on social media. Come say hello on Instagram or Twitter.

Wednesday Letters is a free newsletter, but if you like what I do and want to show your support you can buy me a coffee here.